I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
