lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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