I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
