Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
