He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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