i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
