And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
