Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
