i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
