It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
