I'm going to jail i love you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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