Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
