Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize