tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
