My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
