im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
