I'm gonna have a badass scar
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
