whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
