I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
zippers are such a cool invention
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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