I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
