if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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