I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
