So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
