Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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