Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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