Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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