So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
