Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
