I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
