Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
