Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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