well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
