something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Couch. On fire.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He has the fingertips of a God
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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