Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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