i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
