Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
