ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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