12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
