no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
