Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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