Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
