I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
