Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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