She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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