NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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