The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
