we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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