chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
