Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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