I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
MIDGETS
????
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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