I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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