i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
