White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
