it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
