Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
