Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize