i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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