??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
