babies were throwing up all over the place
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize