I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
