he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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