Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
