If i come over, it means nothing
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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