apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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