bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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