he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
