Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She's better-looking with the mask on.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
