I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
