you would pick up someone in the library
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
