Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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