i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
