I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
