I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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