Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My vagina is officially offended.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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