i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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