I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
