I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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