i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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