Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
