To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize