Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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