I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
