things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
