im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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