Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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